Henrietta Ponsonby, Countess Of Bessborough

Henrietta Ponsonby, Countess of Bessborough (16 June 1761 – 11 November 1821), born Lady Henrietta Frances Spencer, was an English noblewoman and the wife of Frederick Ponsonby, 3rd Earl of Bessborough. She was also the mother of Lady Caroline Lamb. Her father was John Spencer, 1st Earl Spencer, a descendant of John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough. She had a sister, Georgiana Cavendish, Duchess of Devonshire.

Early life

Lady Henrietta Spencer was the youngest child in her family. During her childhood, she was often left in England while her parents and elder sister Georgiana traveled to the continent for her father’s health. She was described as frail and sickly, which led her mother, Lady Spencer (Georgiana Spencer, Countess Spencer), to send her abroad for schooling, believing foreign air would improve her health. Despite initial concerns regarding her health, she grew into a woman of notable beauty and intelligence. She was perceptive, well-read, and appreciated for her kind and gentle nature as well as her quiet self-assurance.

Marriage and Family

On 27 November 1780, Lady Henrietta Spencer married Frederick Ponsonby, who was then the Viscount Duncannon and later became the 3rd Earl of Bessborough. Their marriage produced four children: John William Ponsonby (who became the 4th Earl of Bessborough), Frederick Ponsonby, Lady Caroline Lamb, and William Ponsonby (the 1st Baron de Mauley).

Marriage Difficulties

The marriage was marked by tumult due to Duncannon’s abusive behavior. Accounts described him as fluctuating between attentiveness and neglect, often resorting to physical violence. His family was aware of the abuse, which was widely known, and Harriet’s health deteriorated in 1791, leading to gossip that Duncannon tried to poison her. To escape the abusive environment, Harriet engaged in an affair with Richard Brinsley Sheridan, a playwright and Whig politician. The affair was discovered when Duncannon walked in on Harriet and Sheridan, causing his immediate intent to divorce her. However, her family, notably her brother George Spencer, 2nd Earl Spencer, intervened to prevent the divorce, considering it a social catastrophe.

Financial and Personal Challenges

Harriet and Duncannon’s marriage was also affected by gambling debts, which Duncannon’s rages often intensified. Threats of violence and financial exploitation posed dangers to her safety, but her brother William Spencer provided protection by discreetly providing funds. By around 1820, Duncannon’s abusive behavior ceased, and their marriage became more peaceful with time.

Romantic Affairs

Throughout her marriage, Harriet maintained multiple extramarital relationships. Her most significant lovers included Richard Brinsley Sheridan and Granville Leveson-Gower, 1st Earl Granville. Her affair with Granville resulted in two illegitimate children, Harriet Emma Arundel Stewart and George Stewart. Harriet kept her pregnancies secret, and she later expressed strong affection for Granville, though she believed he loved her the least among her lovers. She facilitated Granville’s marriage to her niece, Lady Harriet Cavendish, in 1809.

Relationships and Friendships

Among her notable acquaintances was William Lamb, who later became the 2nd Viscount Melbourne. He eventually married her daughter Caroline. Harriet was also friends with Lady Elizabeth Foster, a confidante of her sister Georgiana.

Conflict and Decline

Harriet’s relationship with Richard Sheridan deteriorated, particularly from 1802 onward, when Sheridan began harassing her and sending threatening anonymous letters. Sheridan publicly reproached her for her lack of affection and professed his love, despite being her former lover and friend. On his deathbed in 1816, Sheridan grasped her hand and proclaimed he would haunt her after death, a threat she found terrifying. Sheridan died shortly afterward.

Death

Harriet died in Florence, Italy, on 11 November 1821 at the age of 60. Her death followed the recent loss of her youngest grandchild, Henry, in Parma. Lord David Cecil characterized her as a woman of "indescribable distinction," noting that she died peacefully and without regrets, having endured significant emotional turmoil throughout her life.